Every Sunday I've prayed this, but last night, in a dream, it became clear.
I'm not praying that God's will becomes reality. As if he needs my prayers to do what he wants. I'm praying that I have the good sense to accept God's will, and get over my own disappointment about it, and live out my life they way God intends.
I just found out a friend is dying of pancreatic cancer. He seems to be taking it better than I am.
Maybe that's because he's more comfortable with his life than I am with mine. Maybe he's got fewer regrets, fewer missed opportunities. Or maybe he's just got more faith, and has understood this prayer better than I have. Probably all of the above.
I'm regretting I didn't spend more time with him, smoke more cigars with him, listen more to his wisdom about life, his big visions for a freer society, his clear understanding of the Catholic faith. So now I need to do what I can so that I have fewer regrets, so that my family understands what I mean when I pray.
